Here With Me
by Rynneia
Summary: I just loved that scene with Kenshin and Kaoru with him saying goodbye to her - I thought it was so moving. So I wrote a fanfic. R&R please!


Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or the song used in this songfic!  
  
~**Here With Me**~  
  
[[[by: Rayne Rhiana]]]  
  
* ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** *  
  
The fireflies... They were so pretty. Glittery and wonderful. Kaoru Kamiya couldn't stop staring at them, couldn't stop smiling at their brilliance. She didn't know what had brought her out here tonight, sneaking away from the rest to have a bit of solace for herself. Just for a little while. Who knew what kind of turbulance the future would bring? For now, she needed just a little peace.  
  
She couldn't stop thinking about Kenshin. She knew that he would be the first to throw his life on the line for innocents. Sanosuke could pretend not to notice, Yahiko could be as naive as he wanted, and Megumi could hide her suspicions but that didn't change anything. There was a chance he would be thrown back into the chaos of battle. There was a chance he might become Battosai, the manslayer, for good.  
  
Kaoru didn't like the odds. She didn't like that there was *any* chance that Kenshin would become the Battosai again. But she'd seen it in him occasionally in past fights. The one with Saitoh proved it - Kenshin was close to breaking. His past was catching up with him, essentially determining his fate.  
  
"They're beautiful fireflies, aren't they?"  
  
She spun around, a smile on her face upon recognizing the voice. "Kenshin!" she exclaimed happily. She watched him, watched for a sign of him there. But he wasn't *there* completely. He was a shadow of his wanderer self. Kaoru didn't like what she saw. "Kenshin?" she repeated, uncertainly.  
  
"Lord Okubou was assassinated today," he told her in an unreadable tone. He didn't seem distraught, but he wasn't letting it slide either. Kenshin Himura didn't enjoy revenge, but Lord Okubou's death was all wrong. Shishiou was involved, he'd orchestrated it. It was obvious that the Battosai's replacement desperately wanted an audience with Kenshin and would do anything to get it.  
  
Kaoru nodded sadly. "I know. I heard the news." It pained her to see the look on his face. It was like he was a different person.  
  
"Shishiou was behind it all. One of his men did it." Kenshin's tone became a bit harder. "I can't just stand by and allow Shishiou to continue doing this." His face was a mask of resolution and Kaoru suddenly feared what he was going to say. "I'm going to Kyoto."  
  
"Kyoto..." That word was like a nightmare come to life. Kaoru could barely bring herself to say it. And then she couldn't help what came out of her mouth next. "Does that mean you're going back to the man you were ten years ago?"  
  
He looked reluctant to speak, watching the fireflies without really seeing them. "I don't know yet. For ten years, I've forbidden myself from becoming that man again. Always staying in control. However..." He sighed. "The battle with Saitoh earlier taught me something very clearly. It showed me that within myself there's an angry manslayer that will never be able to change his ways."  
  
Kaoru wanted to cry, hearing his admittance. She shook her head, taking a step closer to him. "But Kenshin! You've always been able to go back to normal again no matter how close you get to being the Battosai! You'll always be the person you really are. A wanderer who doesn't kill..." Her voice broke. She couldn't bear to listen to it.  
  
His next words carried a great deal of regret. "If I stay here any longer, every incident that I become involved with will endanger you all. And I'll get closer to being the Battosai each time." He smiled as though remembering a fond memory. "When I first met you, I remember you telling me, Miss Kaoru, how you felt that my past wasn't really all that important. I was happy you said that. My soul was refreshed, day after day and I truly felt that I could become a normal swordsman, I truly did." He took a step towards her. Then another. Before she knew what was happening, his arms slid around her and he held her tightly. "Thank you for everything. I'm a wanderer, Miss Kaoru. And it's time to wander again." At those words, Kaoru couldn't hold her tears back any longer. She let them spill down her cheeks. "Farewell."  
  
~It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror  
I guess that I was blind  
Now my reflection's getting clearer  
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again~  
  
He turned away and headed into the darkness from where he'd emerged only minutes before. Kaoru fell to her knees, unable to stay on her feet. "Ken...shin..." she said, the name barely coming out in a breathy whisper. The tears fell like liquid crystal as she desperately tried to keep herself from breaking down entirely. The fireflies floated around her but they were no longer beautiful. They were bitter reminders.  
  
"...Kenshin..."  
  
~There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day  
You're such a part of me but I just pulled away  
Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know  
I wish I said the words I never showed~  
  
Kenshin was walking away, leaving for Kyoto. He was disappearing into a world of fighting and battles and painful memories. And he was leaving her. He was disappearing with that one final farewell and she would never see him again. He would become the Battosai, killing recklessly again. Or he would become a wanderer and wander somewhere else, somewhere better than her poor excuse for a dojo. Either way, he was disappearing. She finally managed to choke out a cry. "Kenshin...!" Standing up on shaky legs, she ran in the direction he'd gone. "Kenshin! Don't leave, please!"  
  
~I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me~  
  
One foot in front of the other, running... running. He couldn't go... she couldn't deal with it. She couldn't handle knowing he was being bloodied in battle, possibly killed. Another sob tore through her throat as she cried "Kenshin!"  
  
~You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart  
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true  
But I was scared and left it all behind~  
  
She reached the river, enshrouded in darkness, and couldn't run anymore. She fell to the ground once more, her feverish legs unable to support her. Her heart was pounding, an astoundingly loud noise in the quiet of the night. She listened to the cool breeze for a moment, heard it toss her hair gently around on her back. But Kenshin was gone. He'd left her, left them. She'd never watch Sanosuke tease him again, or Yahiko ask Kenshin for pointers. She'd never hear Megumi chide him for straining himself too much again or Doctor Gensai laugh about his antics again. She'd never see him play with the girls in the yard again. Everything there would remind her of him. She buried her face in her hands, unable to contain the tears.  
  
~I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me~  
  
She was content to sit there all night, crying into the river and sharing its sorrow. Neverending flow of misery, that's what a river represents. She shook her head violently, flinging teardrops in all directions. She had to keep her chin up, keep going. She had to be strong for the others. But she... she couldn't...  
  
Kenshin had to leave. Kyoto would soon be under Shishiou's attack. Kenshin Himura, former Battosai, would be their best bet. But by the gods, why did it have to be *him*?! Anyone else, just anyone but him...  
  
~And I'm asking  
And I'm wanting you to come back to me  
Please?~  
  
"Kenshin!" she called into the night, positive no one but her could hear the words. "Kenshin, you come back alive! Do you hear me, you selfish jerk?! We don't have enough money to handle a funeral! S-So you come back... alive... safe... a-and sound..." Her rant ended sharply when her voice caught and her head dropped. She stared at the ground, at the grass stains on her skirt. And she cried. She cried because he was gone. Because she was unspeakably worried. Unspeakably sad.  
  
~I never will forget that look upon your face  
How you turned away and left without a trace  
But I understand that you did what you had to do  
And I thank you~  
  
Kenshin had to go to Kyoto. She was being selfish. The new government needed him. The Magi Era needed him. Kaoru sighed. Who was she kidding? *She* needed him.  
  
~I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me~  
  
Why him? Gods, why did it have to be the one person she truly, truly loved? Kaoru stood up and hugged herself against the cold winds. "Kenshin Himura..." she whispered into the night. "What I would give to have you here with me..."  
  
~**~**~**~**~  
  
erm, O_o.  
  
angst-fluff??  
  
...  
  
...  
  
SWEET! (me likes it)  
  
...  
  
...  
  
(you should too - review, review, review!)  
  
~ r a y n e ~  
  
(that was michelle branch's "here with me" mmmkay?) 


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